


No Chest Hair Harmed in the Making of this News Segment

by rockthecliche



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Kanjani8 (Band), NewS (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-29
Updated: 2012-12-29
Packaged: 2017-11-22 19:31:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/613462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockthecliche/pseuds/rockthecliche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an alien attack on the city of Tokyo, the government calls together all Class B superheroes to help clean up and rebuild the city. Koyama Keiichiro reports.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Chest Hair Harmed in the Making of this News Segment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [oneshinyapple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneshinyapple/gifts).



> Probably the dumbest thing I have ever written. Written for the 2012 cycle of JE Otherworlds.

The camera pans to a well-dressed, well-groomed male, hands folded neatly in front of him, resting on the table. The TV flickers a little, nothing unusual for an old tube TV set being used in a vastly upgraded society; though it mars the newscaster's speech a little, it's only the usual salutations and not much else is missed.

"We've received quite a number of questions and requests for more information on the alien attack on Tokyo two weeks ago that resulted in quite a substantial amount of damage done to the buildings and transit system," the newscaster, Koyama Keiichiro, starts off. "We've reported about this topic extensively while it was ongoing as well as throughout the immediate aftermath, but as more and more questions are raised each day regarding the existence of superheroes in our society, especially with the rising of the superhero known as Megabeef, the man who single-handedly destroyed the onslaught of aliens with his remarkable ability to fling razor sharp strands of chest hair at his enemies after eating yakiniku, I decided to take a camera crew into the heart of the Join & Assure Effort, where we can find Japan's superheroes doing a little less flying, and a little more saving. There, we met up with two of your local superheroes, Speedo and Three Point One Four, and got an inside look on what it means to be super." Koyama nods at the camera, indicating for the VTR to start.

 

The act of clearing cars from the freeway isn't too strenuous. Of course, to mere mortals it would be impossible to do for the long term without heavy machinery, but for Speedo and Three Point One Four, it's as simple as breathing.

"He can move things with his mind and control people's movements. It doesn't look like he's doing anything, even emotionless, but he's just concentrating really hard," Speedo says, gesturing at his partner in clean-up. Koyama follows the hero's gaze -- the person in question is steadily moving the pile-up of cars from the freeway into the shoulder so the tow trucks could come and take care of them one by one later, and true enough, even though the man looks fairly disinterested and devoid of much emotion, the car slices through the air steadily and a bit of sweat appears on the man's brow. "Usually, I'm paired up with Mr. Know-How, who would be pretty useless for this sort of thing, so I'm glad for the change. Plus, Three Point and I have been friends for quite a bit."

"And where is Mr. Know-How, then?" Koyama asks, microphone in hand.

At this, Speedo laughs a little bit. "There was a team called in from Osaka to help with the reconstruction, and knowing them, they probably need the extra brains behind the brawn." He pauses and looks straight into the camera. "No offense, guys, I like you a lot."

"Oh, so the J&A Effort isn't just limited to Tokyo?"

Speedo shakes his head. "Absolutely not. There aren't _that_ many of us, and even if there were, some want it to remain a secret, and that's their business. I've met most of the guys from Kansai, and as far as I know, there's even a guy from Hokkaido. We don't live in special superhero only colonies or anything." In the background, another car is lifted into the air and placed by the shoulder, the line of beat up, destroyed cars growing longer and longer, extending kilometers past their small group.

Three Point One Four sags a little from the exertion, sparing a glance over at the newscaster, cameraman, and Speedo. "A little help? I'm running out of room up here."

"I should go help out. Just stand to the other side?" Speedo politely directs them across the road to the empty shoulder on the other side, vacant save for a small first-aid vehicle in case one of them gets hurt. Koyama scurries across as Speedo walks over to the other superhero, patting him lightly on the back.

"Ready?" Three Point One Four asks.

"Yup. Just let me know when you've got it steady," Speedo nods.

Three Point One Four doesn't say anything, just closes his eyes for a little bit. When he opens them, the car closest to them starts to float up into the air, causing Koyama to shriek a little in glee. The car floats away from the wreckage slowly, bobbing a little in the air, and Speedo walks around it a few times, surveying it closely, reaching out to swivel it so his hands are bracing against the car's hood. The car stops moving, suspended motionless.

"Steady," Three Point One Four says.

Without hesitation, Speedo takes off running in a whir and Koyama hardly even blinks before he's almost out of sight, blurry, already halfway down the line of cars. He swats at the cameraman to get the shot before they miss more, but by the time the man swings his camera around towards where Speedo is, there's the telltale sound of something large and heavy hitting solid ground as Three Point One Four lets his control of the vehicle slip, and from what Koyama can tell, the car is perfectly in place at the end of the line. A few seconds later, Speedo slows his run down to a steady jog as he approaches them, even though Koyama wagers that it's still faster than the fastest person in the world. What he'd give to see a race between Speedo and Usain Bolt.

"Did you get all that?" Three Point One Four asks, giving Speedo a high five and smiling all the while. Koyama is temporarily rooted to the spot -- it's the first time the telekinetic smiled all day.

"You may have to do that again," Koyama says, snapping out of it and gathering up his materials, setting off towards the end of the line.

"If you thought that was fast, you should see me in the water," Speedo says cheerfully.

 

With the cars cleared, Koyama follows the two superheroes back to their makeshift central command, a small office rented out from one of the miraculously undamaged buildings nearby the main attack site. Speedo explains that usually they're free to call to check in, but they have a mandatory strategy meeting to discuss the plan for next week. It's pretty boring, but it's good to know what's going on with the response effort.

"Hopefully it doesn't last long," Speedo remarks, climbing out of the van. "I'm hungry."

Three Point One Four merely nods in understanding.

"Just wait here a minute, I'll go inside and see if it's okay if you come in and tape. If not, I'm afraid you'll just have to wait out here," Speedo says before darting towards the entrance to the office, disappearing inside.

"Ah, I didn't even think about that..." Koyama drifts off, already wondering about what he could do to ensure his way in if they denied him privileges now. Maybe there was someone he could call?

"I doubt they'll say no," Three Point One Four reassures him. "Mr. Know-How will try and say no, Outdazzle will just laugh at him and tell Speedo it's fine, and Speedo doesn't care who says yes as long as someone _does_."

"This sounds like an everyday occurrence," Koyama remarks.

"You spend everyday with the same people and you pick up on their personalities," Three Point One Four responds. "Mr. Know-How tries to be in charge but doesn't do a very good job -- no one really takes him seriously. Outdazzle probably just likes the thought of a camera being in there so he can distract the whole world with his glittery skin, and not just us." He yawns, crossing his arms over his ample chest. "There's a reason why he chose to be in charge of rerouting public transit."

"And why is that?"

"Everyone has to look at and listen to him."

When Speedo reappears at their side, he's beaming and giving them the okay. "They were worried that you'd ultimately cut together a video that depicted us in a bad light, but I told them that you didn't seem like the type that would do that," he says. "But as a precaution, we'd like to see the video before you air it, if that's all right."

Technically, there's no contractual obligation to do something like that, and there's really no precedent for it, either. But it's the first time Koyama's been sent on assignment regarding something directly tied to the government, which is always a little tricky to gauge in regards to proper protocol. The last agency he wants to piss off is the _government_ , so Koyama readily agrees, thinking he'll just have to talk to his boss once the day is over to figure out a way to make that work.

Koyama doesn't know what he's expecting when he walks into the office, but probably not something as bland and uninspiring as this. Of course, it being a makeshift office probably answers his burning question of _why aren't there touch screens and banks of computers everywhere?_ \-- the most advanced thing he can see besides the rather ordinary cell phones everyone has in hand is a dry-erase board, and even so, the marker the person writing on it with is running out of ink.

"This is it?" Koyama asks, not able to keep the disappointment out of his voice. Even the cameraman looks bored, clearly used to seeing cluttered offices with crappy dry erase markers.

Speedo laughs. "Were you expecting a flying fortress?"

"Hey guys, we're in here," a man says to them, cup of coffee in one hand, folder in the other as he gestures towards the makeshift conference room. They take their seats, Koyama and his cameraman standing to the side -- some of the heroes stare right at them for a few seconds, obviously questioning their presence, but Speedo is quick to stand and update everyone on what's going on. The man clears his throat once Speedo sits back down and begins.

"There's not much today except for the new team assignments and sectional updates," he starts, flipping his folder open. "As we all know, our group from Kansai has arrived, and most of them will be helping with the clean-up that is winding down. Reconstruction is our main priority now, especially of homes. How has transit fared these past few weeks?" He turns and looks at a man to Speedo's right, a familiar man with blond hair and a subtle glimmer to his skin. Koyama remembers him as the man who stole the camera on his first day on assignment and walked around with it, getting close-ups of nothing necessary and wasting tape, but he _was_ the one to introduce him to Speedo and Three Point One Four. This must be Outdazzle, Koyama thinks, remembering his and Three Point One Four's conversation outside. He hadn't introduced himself as Outdazzle when Koyama wrestled the camera back, rather going by Tegoshi instead. He wonders if that's his real name or another alias.

"Right. All damaged train and subway lines have been rerouted as effectively as they can, though we're still urging people to use the copycat busline as much as possible. Of course there are complaints, but mostly from those who seem like they just need something to complain about -- otherwise, no major problems and the general public seem rather easy-going about it all, though we do believe it would be in everyone's best interests to repair the damaged subway and train rails as soon as possible." Tegoshi sits back down.

"If everything remains on schedule, subway routes will be back to normal within the week, and train routes next week, given it doesn't rain," the man in the front of the room responds, flipping through some papers. He pauses, then looks up. "Good work, Outdazzle."

"I think you meant 'godly', but I'll take what I can get. _Sir,_ ," Tegoshi beams, and if Koyama's eyes aren't deceiving him, his skin literally _glitters_.

He leans over and whispers at Speedo, motioning at the front of the room. "Who is that?"

"That's Mr. Know-How. His real name is Kato Shigeaki, but we all usually just call him Shige," Speedo replies softly. "He has the ability to retain a ton of information in a fraction of the time."

"Highway clean-up has been completed as of today, thanks to Speedo and Three Point One Four," Shige continues, looking up to glance at the two named. "Tomorrow you'll be starting on reconstruction."

"Okay, Shige," Speedo replies happily. Three Point One Four merely nods, looking quite bored.

"I've told you, call me by my hero name when we're in meetings," Shige responds.

"But 'Shige' is cooler. I mean...'Mr. Know-How'? Really?" Tegoshi cuts in.

"If it's so lame then you think of a better one!" Shige snaps.

Tegoshi pauses for a moment, thinking on his challenge deeply. Finally, he lights up and grins. "Well...it'd still just be 'Shige', wouldn't it?" You!" he points a finger at Shige, "are Shige. We never call you by anything else!"

Shige just huffs. "Look, big shot, if you were so cool you wouldn't even _be_ here." He rattles the papers in his folders threateningly, as if the most dangerous injury one can sustain from paper is far worse than just a paper cut. "Can we please move on?"

Tegoshi falls silent, though he still looks just about as mirthful as he did five seconds ago, except Koyama believes the inherent, _'hahaha, Shige, you're so funny and silly when pressed,'_ had somehow changed into something resembling a much more succinct, _'eat me.'_

 

Speedo and Three Point One Four, Koyama learns, have been good friends since getting into the superhero circuit. They met by chance at a rather large scale bank heist four years ago, where the dastardly Almighty Yen had decided that working to earn an honest income was inferior and an insult to his ability to his cunning and wit. Three Point One Four was first on the scene, having been passing by through the neighborhood, and while Almighty Yen's mind was practically impenetrable thanks to his own powers of manipulation, he had caused enough of a shift in mental state to have him open the door and give some of the hostages time to run out with no retaliation. However, Almighty Yen soon saw through this ruse, and Three Point One Four was pretty much shit out of luck.

"I got there right when Almighty Yen took over again and shut the door," Speedo, otherwise known as Masuda Takahisa, says as he snags a piece of karaage with his chopsticks. Having finished their clean-up a little early, he and Three Point One Four, real name Yamashita Tomohisa, had opted to go out for dinner, and invited Koyama and his cameraman with them. Koyama leapt at the opportunity -- it isn't very often where you get a chance to see superheroes in their normal, daily lives.

"He tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I could get the door open again. I had no idea who he was, but since the police aren't too well equipped to deal with superheroes, I really had no other choice," Yamashita says, stealing the piece of karaage away from Massu.

"He trusted me," Massu beams, karaage forgotten.

Yamashita pauses. "I suppose I did."

"So what happened next?" Koyama asks.

"Well, he got the door open again and I began running in and out, rescuing hostages. Normally it would take a bit of time, right?" Massu says.

"That's not even counting getting shot at or something by Almighty Yen," Koyama chimes in.

"Right. But I had already gotten three people out by the time Almighty Yen had noticed anything was going on, and there was only one person left by then. So I asked Yamashita-kun to just hold on for a little longer, and somehow, he did it. I got the last hostage out -- I think she was a bank employee -- and after that, it was all up to the police." Massu taps his chin with his finger, remembering back to that day. "Yamashita-kun was really amazing that day."

"Stop that," the other mumbles through his mouthful of food.

"And then you've kept in touch?"

Massu shakes his head. "Not really, I guess. That was the first time we were on TV for something heroic like that, so the press constantly badgered us about if we knew each other and how well we got along and if we had a team name and by the end, I didn't even want to talk to him."

"So what brought the change? You two seem to get along rather well now." Koyama gestures between the two of them.

"What was it, I wonder..." Massu says thoughtfully.

Yamashita takes a sip of his beer. "Didn't we meet in Shibuya one day? You were shopping."

"Ah, that's right! I was shopping and Yamashita-kun happened to be working at one of the clothing stores I went to." Massu sounds wistful. "He gave me a discount."

"You know, I did that because I knew you were Speedo and helped me out that day, so it was like a gesture of gratitude. I didn't know you'd take it as an offer of friendship," Yamashita jokes. "If I had known, I wouldn't have given it to you."

Massu pauses, and then turns to look at Koyama. "Well, that's the kind of relationship we have now. It's probably a little one-sided."

Yamashita laughs, flicking at Massu's hair with his fingers fondly.

"So what happened to Almighty Yen?" Koyama asks, scribbling down notes onto his notepad.

"Since he had no leverage once all the hostages were out, the police got him soon after that. I didn't even know what he looked like until I saw his mug shot on the news." Massu shakes his head a little. "It's sad, he was so young. So much potential to do good."

Yamashita tilts his head to the side in questioning. "You know he was 25 at the time of that, right?"

Massu's eyes widen. "No way!"

"Yeah, it was right there in the parenthesis next to his name."

Massu deflates. "Wow...he didn't look a day over 17."

 

They tell Koyama it's imperative that they refer to them as their superhero names when they're doing official J&A business; while they don't keep super close tabs on being superheroes, it's still nice to feel like they have at least a modicum of privacy, and Koyama agrees, his cameraman toddling alongside him. It's the next day and they're on their way one of the reconstruction sites.

"We're meeting with two of the Osaka team today," Massu informs him in the van. The alien attack had spilled out into the suburbs, causing damage to quite a few homes, and they are going to help reconstruct a few of them today. "Major Mayora and Oh!Man. Outdazzle might stop by if he finishes his job early." Massu flips open his cell phone, checking the daily email from government staff.

"Ah, Tegoshi-kun?" Koyama nods, remembering the sparkly, shiny superhero.

Massu nods. "Yup. He's my best friend."

Before Koyama can ask how that's possible -- Tegoshi was, from what Koyama could tell, completely different from his current company -- the van slows to a stop and Yamashita pulls open the door.

"Looks like we're first," Yamashita says as they gather around their contact liaison, receiving their orders. The cameraman sets up his equipment as he starts taking b-roll footage of the surrounding area, of a few houses looking like they're about to topple over with a slight breeze, the destroyed footbridge already being worked on by a construction crew. Koyama looks down around their feet -- there's stones and tree branches and a paper coffee cup, tiny things, probably nothing compared to the wreckage that had already been cleared away in the week or so after the attack. The only mess he faces is the mess necessary to start construction, repairs already well underway.

Massu and Yamashita are going over their orders when another van pulls up by them, two men hopping out. One of them looks like they've just woken up from a nap, while the other is currently enjoying a bag of mayonnaise flavored potato chips.

"Major Mayora?" Yamashita asks.

"That's me," the man with the potato chips says. "Though call me Ryo, I never respond when someone calls me Mayora." A pause. "Major is reserved for girls."

"You must be Oh!Man, then," Massu addresses the one rubbing at his eyes.

"Yeah, that's me. Just call me Ohkura." He looks around at the area they're in, taking a few steps out into the road to survey the houses under their care for the day. "Oh man..." he sags a little.

"Sad, isn't it?" Massu says, nodding along in sympathy.

Ohkura shakes his head. "So much work...is there a naptime built in the schedule?"

The look on Massu's face certainly signifies that that wasn't quite the response he was expecting.

Once they begin with the reconstruction effort, Koyama doesn't really see the use in having all four of them there -- the only one with any sort of power that would benefit the reconstruction is Yamashita, as Massu's speed isn't exactly needed when he's not going long distances, and as far as he can tell, Ryo's claim to superhero fame is a mere bazooka that shoots mayonnaise, of all things. As for Ohkura, he proves to be some sort of useful when it comes to hammering things in place, but Ryo explains that it's because of Ohkura's powers of sound wave emittance.

"It's kind of like a weakened version of sonar, so he's usually more useful in that aspect, like in dark places and whatever, but at least he won't hit his thumb or something," Ryo explains to Koyama as Ohkura hammers into place a wooden column Yamashita has steady. "He's gotten better at controlling it, but he gets a little too enthusiastic still, at times, so if it shakes, steer clear."

"And what about you and your mayo bazooka?" Koyama questions.

Ryo glares at him. "What _about_ my mayo bazooka?"

Koyama blanches. "Well, I was just wondering how it would help in the reconstruction effort -- "

Massu dashes by with a few wooden planks over his shoulder, but he can hear Ryo's long tirade about the benefits and wondrous properties of mayonnaise even across the street. And as much as he insists, Massu highly doubts that mayo can be an effective substitute for glue.

Tegoshi arrives right when they're cleaning up for the day, conveniently. He shimmies up to Koyama and peeks over his shoulder as they review the footage from the day, losing interest not even ten minutes in because there's nothing keeping his attention (namely, himself). "Massu," the man says, tugging on his arm petulantly, "let's get dinner! You have to shower though, you're all sweaty and gross." He pauses. "Gross smelling, at any rate."

"Thanks, Tegoshi," Massu deadpans. He turns to the others, glancing at them with ' _help me_ ' written all over his face. "Do you guys want to join us?"

"Sorry, outsiders aren't allowed! This is a date, okay, a date," Tegoshi butts in, effectively dragging Massu away. Koyama laughs -- it doesn't look like Massu minds all that much, maybe.

Probably.

"I'm surprised Massu's not blind with the way that guy sparkles around him," Yamashita says, watching the two of them go.

Ryo raises an eyebrow. "How else are you explaining his regular clothing, then?"

 

They are at the same restaurant they went to the two nights ago, only this time, Ohkura and Ryo have joined them. The table is a little packed, clearly not made to fit a party of six, and one with a huge camera to boot. After parting their separate ways the night before, they all reconvened at the same construction site to finish up with the framework, and they toast to each other for a job well done, glasses of beer raised high to the sky.

"So is this a ritual? Help the community, eat, sleep, repeat?" Koyama begins, watching the waitress pile plate after plate of food onto their table.

"Pretty much. Most of our work takes up the day, or at least while there's still light out," Massu shrugs. "Our nights are probably the only free time we have, especially when something happens on this big of a scale."

"Now, you refer to it as 'work' -- does this mean you get compensation for your time?" Koyama presses.

Ryo snorts into his rice. "Of course we do. What, do you think we'd all do this for free?"

"Well, yeah." Koyama nods.

"And why do you think that?" Ryo challenges.

Koyama thinks about this a little bit, then hesitatingly starts. "I would think that your duty as a superhero would mean you take on a bit more responsibility towards the community."

"And go broke in the process?" Ryo shakes his head. "Besides the superhero stuff, we have _lives_ , you know. We have rent and bills to pay, we have regular jobs, we have to do all these things that any normal person out there has to do. When the J&A Effort calls us away from our personal, private responsibilities as a functioning member of society, they call us away from our livelihoods. Especially when it's for jobs like this one -- they're huge. It's going to be months before we fix everything, and if we're on the job for free, how should we expect to have a home to go back to once we're done?" Ryo places his chopsticks down. "Not for nothing, but the whole superhero thing is really kind of a drag sometimes. Everyone has all these expectations. I may be a superhero, but I still have my own life."

The table is eerily quiet. Koyama sweeps his eyes over the other three, all of them deep in thought, staring at different spots on the table. "Do you three feel the same?" he questions.

It takes a little while before someone starts to reply, and to his surprise, it's Ohkura. "Parts of it, sure. I can't even tell you how many jobs I've been fired from because of it. It didn't matter if my boss knew what I was doing or not, it just didn't make sense to keep me on payroll when I barely worked."

"I quit college because I was missing too many classes and would fail on the absence principle alone," Massu chimes in.

Yamashita sighs. "It goes without saying that to gain something, something has to give, right? But," he pauses, studying Massu's gyoza with intent, taking one when Massu offers the plate at him. "I don't think any of us regret it. At least I don't. And the pay shouldn't even be of any concern to anyone, either. It's negligent in the long run."

"At the end of the day, we _are_ carrying out those expected responsibilities to the community, aren't we?" Ohkura shrugs, going back to eating his unadon.

"And," Massu nods in agreement with the rest of them, "if we really resented it that much, I doubt we'd still be sticking with it."

Ryo laughs then, picking his chopsticks back up and stealing one of Massu's gyoza. "Besides, who can honestly stop us from quitting, right?"

Massu doesn't even bother responding and uses his super speed to steal the gyoza back.

As Koyama spends the night reviewing the footage from the day, the four superheroes' words float around in his mind. Maybe he had been a little naive in his approach to superheroism. No, he had _definitely_ been too naive in his approach to superheroism, if the conversation over dinner proved anything to him. But all he had known before accepting this assignment was that these people were amazing, maybe a little superior to the rest, and he learned that while part of that is certainly true, it doesn't cancel out the fact that they're still _people_. 

It's his last day with the heroes tomorrow, save for a formal interview. Koyama yawns. He should probably go to bed.

 

It's eight in the morning when Massu blinks in confusion. "We don't have to go to the construction site?"

Koyama shakes his head no as Massu pulls the van door shut behind him. "I called in a few favors and got you and Yamashita the morning off, as long as I get you two there in the early afternoon. I was wondering, would you permit me to follow you around today?"

"But...I don't know what to do," Massu says, still slightly confused.

Koyama grins. "That's the point!"

Yamashita, upon hearing the news that Koyama got them the morning off, promptly goes back to bed, so Massu decides to actually go to his proper work for once. He comes out of his apartment in a white button-down shirt, a vest, slacks and a bowtie, and Koyama looks him over, curious. "Waiter?"

"Nope," Massu replies easily. "Karaoke attendant."

On the way there, Koyama starts asking the usual questions. "How long have you been working there?"

"For a year and half. I really like it...it's not hard, and I get a discount whenever I go on my off-time," Massu replies. "My boss knows about the whole superhero thing, too, and is really nice about it. Plus, not a ton of facetime with customers -- I mostly make and answer calls, so not many people can recognize me."

Once they're there, Koyama asks Massu's boss if he can follow Massu around for a few hours with the camera, with the intent on using the footage on air, and he gets the go ahead. Truthfully, Massu's job is pretty dull -- it's the middle of the day, which isn't really a prime time for many karaoke customers, so half the time Massu's chatting with his co-workers and not really doing much. It's kind of boring, if Koyama is honest, but he supposes that this is just more evidence to prove that hey, superheroes are just like any other person -- they get bored during work, just like the rest of society.

To fill in some of the time instead of just wasting it all, Koyama digs out his little notepad and pen as Massu pours them both glasses of apple juice. "Now, we've discussed how the whole superhero thing can get in the way of leading normal lives, work-wise, but what about relationships? Have they suffered as well?"

"Oh, not at all. My family and I are still very close, even though they were very confused when I first developed my super speed. A few friends got weirded out, but most of them thought it was insanely cool. I'd never really been cool before, so it made me kind of happy." A sheepish blush glows on his cheeks.

"What about the other kind?"

"You mean, the romantic ones?" Massu ponders this. "Not really, I suppose. I think in that aspect, I'm still the same as I've always been."

"And what is that?"

Massu shrugs. "I'm not very good at putting serious emotions like that into words, but I wear my heart on my sleeve so it's obvious. At least it always feels obvious? And so I like...tend to do small things, or it all bubbles up too much and I have to say something. But it's not romantic at all. It's usually just a variation of, "I like you!" and I usually get weird looks." He laughs at himself a little. "I guess love is something that you treat the same way no matter what type of pedestal you're put on."

"Some would find that sort of straightforwardness attractive, though, right?" Koyama asks.

"I wonder..." Massu's face turns a little red, which sort of clues Koyama in to begin with, but he doesn't have the time to follow up when Massu continues. "I guess so. But I'm in no rush."

His boss pokes his head into worker's area, then, eyes searching for Massu. "Ah, there you are. You can go now. There's barely anyone here, and the new girl is here for training anyway."

When Massu bows his thanks, Koyama does too -- probably out of habit at this point -- and then he and his cameraman waits outside as Massu changes into his street clothes in the staff room and, after grabbing his backpack, they leave. Massu glances at him curiously. "How much time do we have left until we go to the site?"

"Hmm...about an hour and a half."

"Want to head to the pool with me?"

"Like I have anywhere else I need to be," Koyama replies, wondering at the familiarity that grew between them even though they've only known each other for four days.

Koyama recalls Massu's words to him, back on their first day about watching him in the water, and it impresses him greatly how Massu immediately seems to take to being in the pool, swimming like walking was the thing he wanted to do least in the world. Granted, Koyama isn't all that knowledgeable about the art and technique of swimming, but he can at least tell that Massu swims a whole lot better than Koyama can, for sure. It's neat to see Massu unguarded -- he doesn't know how often Massu gets a chance to come out and just live his life, as it were, but it doesn't seem like often, or often enough to his liking. It's still a little bit of a waste of time on his part, considering it's almost impossible to be heard over the splash of the water in conjunction with how fast Massu is swimming, though he does get a few details out of Massu whenever he takes a short breather -- he's been swimming since he was three years old, and his speed developed first when he was in the water, rather than on land. He laughs at the notion of maybe going for the Olympics one year and just says that it's not something he wants to compete in. He likes it too much to ruin it like that.

Yamashita calls him in the middle of Massu's 300th lap or something equally ridiculous and Koyama tells him that they're at the pool. He shows up twenty minutes later, and he gives Koyama a little bow in greeting.

"Oh, I could have come pick you up," Koyama says, getting up and bowing in return.

Yamashita shakes his head, waving it off. "It's okay, I rode my bicycle, and it wasn't far away."

There's still a little bit of time, so Yamashita sits next to Koyama in a chair and they watch Massu swim his laps in relative silence. Small talk is made, like how the weather is, Koyama's job and how he got into the broadcasting business, his family, too, of all things, and as they chat, Koyama realizes he's never asked him the most basic of questions. "Say...how did you get your hero name?"

Yamashita shrugs. "My nickname when I was younger was Yamapi, and the 'pi' part stuck." He gives Koyama a sheepish look. "My friends aren't the most clever bunch."

Once Massu's done climbs out of the water, Koyama poses the same question to him, the answer being a rather amused, "Isn't it kind of obvious?" accompanied with a slight smirk. Once Massu rinses off and dresses they leave, tossing Yamashita's bike into the trunk of the van and Koyama takes them to the construction site, where they meet up with Ryo and Ohkura again. The work this time is far less demanding, as it's mostly just painting and putting up wallpaper, and halfway through the afternoon, the paint winds up on their clothing more than it makes it onto the walls due to Tegoshi's arrival. Still, as Koyama instructs his cameraman on what angles to take as they all start flinging paint at each other, it's good to see them having some fun.

"You'd look good with red hair," Yamashita says to Massu, smearing the paint that landed in the other's hair a little, covering up the rich brown.

"I think you'd look terrible blonde, though," Massu replies, pointing to the wad of yellow in Yamashita's hair.

"Oh, I know I do. That was a bad phase in my adolescence."

Koyama grins as Tegoshi breaks them apart, assaulting the two of them mid-conversation with pink-covered hands.

Ryo merely rolls his eyes in disgust. "They're so obvious. I'm going to go throw up."

 

The end of Koyama's assignment comes to a close with a formal interview a few days later. Massu and Yamashita sit in their seats, looking around at the sparsely decorated room. Koyama notices that Massu's hair has, indeed, been dyed red.

"It's been awhile since I've been in a formal interview like this," Massu explains when Koyama asks if anything is wrong.

"Probably since that bank heist, huh?" Yamashita asks. Massu nods.

"Just relax, and it'll go fine. You two are naturals," Koyama reassures, taking his seat across from them. He clears his throat, the red light on top of the camera turns on, and the tape rolls.

 

_"So, it's been a few years since the J &A Effort has been formed. What were your thoughts regarding it? What do you think of it now?"_

_There's a slight pause, Massu making a small humming noise as he contemplates the question before answering. "It felt a little forced, I guess. I mean, there was, and still are, a lot of us that aren't really intent on making huge names for ourselves, and we certainly didn't want to be the next Megabeef, or Dance Whisperer. We just wanted to do something good with our talents. I, personally, don't mind being in the background as long as it's something that I still enjoy doing."_

_"When you stop enjoying it, then it becomes an issue, right?" Yamashita reaffirms._

_"Right. And I guess, even now, it's something I view in the same way. It's fine so long as I'm enjoying what I'm doing, but once I don't, I think I'd quit and go back to my life."_

_"Finish college, perhaps?" Koyama asks._

_Massu shrugs, smiling a little bit. "Yeah, maybe. Who knows?"_

_"What do you think this is going to do for you, privacy-wise? Any concerns?" Koyama asks, mostly to Yamashita, who shakes his head._

_"Not really, no. Maybe a little at first -- superheroes are the latest thing, after all, and I bet everyone is going to clamor at the chance to get a look, but I think they'll just forget after a while, once the construction is done and things have quieted down. It's just the latest craze."_

_"But really, if we were ever really, truly worried about our privacy, we wouldn't be in the roster for the J &A Effort, I don't think," Massu pipes up._

_"So the community can count on your help for a good while yet?"_

_"As Speedo said," Yamashita replies. "For as long as it's still something we want to do, though it'd be less fun without our friends around." He pats Massu's shoulder, then ruffles his hair, and Massu beams and nods in assurance._

_"Well then, with that, one last question -- " Koyama grins. "Have you come up with a duo name yet?"_

_Massu nearly rolls out of his chair, laughing._

 

The VTR ends and the camera is back on Koyama, standing primly in his suit. "Superheroes in Japan are still few and far between, and while we can be awed by their prowess and their powers, it has been a most humbling experience for me to learn that, in many cases, they are just like me, and they are just like you. Speedo and Three Point One Four are only two out of many, and while they possess many of the same principles most superheroes have -- honesty, integrity, and sincerity -- they've never lost _themselves_ in the journey, and that just may be the most admirable thing of all."

He pauses, then grins. "For those of you wondering, no, they haven't come up with a duo name yet, but they are taking suggestions. You can fax suggestions to this number," Koyama gestures to the screen, where experience tells him there will be a box with the necessary contact information on television screens around the country, "or send them to this email address." Koyama grins as the cameraman indicates that he has a few seconds left before the end of broadcast.

"Thank you for tuning in. This was Koyama Keiichiro -- thank you, and good night!"

 

**_In the not-quite-so-distant future..._ **

Massu runs and runs, scaling tall piles of rubble and broken buildings, trying to get a good look through the smoke and dust in the air. He can't see much of anything save for the police trying to keep order and the squabble of news vans and cameras and reporters -- _oh no_ , he thinks, _get out, please get away,_ because this is far from over and they're standing right in the line of fire --

A flurry of explosions erupt behind him and he doesn't have to finish that thought anymore. He doesn't think about how he lead the aliens straight to them, either.

He jumps to the side right as the spacecraft targets him, barely dodging the lasers, though the heat of them passing by temporarily scorches his pantleg. In the brief time he has before the craft turns around and spots him again, he checks his leg for damage -- his pants don't catch on fire, luckily, and while there's a bit of singed fabric, his calf feels okay enough to stand, so he takes that as a sign to continue, quickly darting between abandoned cars to try and get back to the others. They're only a couple of blocks away but it feels like forever, Massu's body already bruised and battered, radio long destroyed, leaving him stranded, his speed depleted with every injury he gets.

_Cause a diversion,_ they said. _Cause a diversion to buy us time, lead them to us, and use your speed to get out of there._

Of course, it is much easier said than done when they are fighting aliens with far superior targeting technology, making it possible for them to lock onto him even when he is traveling at his fastest. The hair on the back of his neck rises with static energy, giving him a second to leap to the side as another barrage of laser bullets showers down around him. That was close, he thinks. The time in between attacks are now getting shorter, so that either means they're moving faster, or he's slowing down even more.

He doesn't know which would be worse at this point, but the only choice he has is to just keep going. He darts into an alleyway much too thin for the craft to keep up with its pursuit and hopes it's a shortcut and he's not backtracking, for the love of --

_"You're almost here, I can feel you! You have to be close!"_ rings Yamashita in his head and Massu's so happy he can _finally_ hear the other he could cry. He slows down as he comes to a diverging path, debating on which to go when time is running short and -- when in doubt, his mother always taught him, go right.

He goes right, and the moment he gets out of the small alley, he's awarded with gunfire. Lovely.

But he can feel Yamashita's presence even more now, now that he's gone right, and he surges forward, rolling away and taking cover amidst a clump of abandoned taxis. He scans his surroundings as the dust settles slightly from another laser attack, the area falling somewhat still in the aftermath, and he _finally_ knows where he is as he gets a good look of the area reflected off of various shiny surfaces around him. Behind him, more spacecrafts enter the fray, keeping level, all of them probably looking for him. But, he thinks, all he has to do is go down the road and they'll be waiting with some super sciencey thing that will make the aliens go boom.

_"Just a little more!"_ Yamashita vibrates inside his mind.

_Lead them to us._

At this point, he doesn't care about specifics or science, he just wants to take a nap.

There's indignant squawking from above him, no doubt aliens threatening his life or something equally terrible. Massu watches an alien leap out from one of the spacecrafts in the reflection of one taxi's windows, creeping forward slowly, checking for any sign of life. His heart starts to pound in his throat, not quite sure how to get out of this predicament he's in -- taxis aren't the best in defense when it comes to aliens with alien technology. Still, he doesn't have time to worry about that as one of the aircrafts dip lower, swinging in closer and, Massu assumes, ready to fire. Adrenaline pumping, fingers grasping at the closest substantial object he can find to protect himself with -- a jagged, substantial piece of glass, probably part of a broken window from the office building towering over him. As the figure draws closer, Massu takes a deep breath, questions his sanity, wondering why he never went to the hand-to-hand combat training sessions the government offered them -- braces himself back against another taxi -- launches himself up once the alien starts to peek around the car, slamming the heel of his palm into its face -- grips the shard of glass tight even as it bites and cuts into his skin and swings, securely lodging it into its neck -- letting go and speeding off in a blur, hopping over a few fallen delivery bikes on the road as he takes off running again, more voices squawking behind him, rising in anger -- fury -- revenge. But the element of surprise is on his side as he's already halfway to the blast zone by the time the aliens catch on and starts to follow him again.

"Massu!" He hears Yamashita loud and clear this time, not in his mind, but the other's voice is echoing off the mounds of debris and crooked metal sheets surrounding them, and Massu knows that he's safe, that they won't hurt him, _can't_ hurt him now. When he enters the blast zone, he can _feel_ it around him, warming the particles in the air, making his hair stand on its ends as the machine charges. He turns and stands his ground as the horde of spaceships comes right for him with a vengeance -- he must have killed someone pretty important --

_Get out of there._

A ship whooshes right above his head as he ducks and runs, sliding out of the blast zone as the ships converge and freeze, Yamashita catching and dragging him by the arm to hunker down behind some heavy duty concrete barrier. Everything and everyone freezes as the aliens are paralyzed by some invisible force -- Shige explained it to him during the mission debriefing but it all sounded like a different language, so all Massu paid attention to was what he had to do in order to make the plan work. And, when the earth shakes with the explosions of the fleet of immobile alien aircraft, all Massu can do is hunch down and cover his head, in case any stray debris flies their way, but even then he finally, finally thinks, _it's over_.

The air stills and falls silent. Massu uncovers his head and looks up, warily. "Is it over?" he whispers to Yamashita for reassurance.

Yamashita unfurls from his position and slowly stands, peeking out to survey the area. "I think so -- "

Megabeef's voice echoes loudly around them. "Haha! No living thing can stand the combined might of my chest hair and Outdazzle's gliterryness!"

Yamashita tilts his head to the side. "I guess there's Tegoshi's promotion to the big leagues."

Massu's entire body lolls to the side in exhaustion as Yamashita laughs, more out of relief than anything. "Yeah...I guess it is over." There are hands on him now, on his arms and his shoulders, hoisting him up so he's sitting properly. They disappear for a little but come back, and Massu blinks and blearily watches Yamashita open the laughably small first-aid kit and begin to check him over for injuries. It's funny, really -- Massu probably looks like he just ran through hell and back, while Yamashita is pristine and without a scratch. That's what he gets for having a physical power rather than mental.

As Yamashita cleans one of the cuts on his hand and stitches a particularly nasty gash up, he asks him where he's hurt the most. Massu's head drops to rest on the other's shoulder and doesn't answer because he doesn't know for sure, which Yamashita merely interprets (quite correctly) as 'everywhere'. There's movement around them now, people running to and fro to begin damage control, medical personnel running checks on anyone in the near vicinity. He feels better already, just being able to sit for a prolonged amount of time, but he still really wants that nap. A nap spanning the next two days, even. He wonders if he'll get a bonus for his work today. He _better_ be getting a bonus, and an extended vacation package.

"Did the telepathy work?" Yamashita asks, carefully spraying antiseptic spray on the scrapes on the back of Massu's hand.

Massu yawns and nods, so tired the sting doesn't even hurt. "All that practice must have paid off. I would have gotten completely lost if it weren't for you, so...thanks for getting inside me."

Yamashita smiles a little. "I'm just glad that it worked and you could feel me in you."

Neither of them are sure why Ryo yells at them to _get a fucking room already!_ but they're no stranger to Ryo's strange outbursts at this point.

"So, hey," Yamashita begins, bandaging up Massu's hand. "I was thinking -- "

"Really?" Massu lightly quips.

Yamashita merely stares at him. Massu gestures for him to go on, a small smile tugging on his lips. " -- our duo name can be Tomo & Taka. Since the last kanji in our given name is the same and all." Yamashita pats his hand once he's done, then waves over a doctor to have them check Massu over for more serious injuries.

"Tomo & Taka...T&T for short?" Massu says, trying the name out. It rolls off his tongue well enough, with a fun semi-rhythm to it. He hobbles upwards but is pleased to find that, with the exception of a general feeling of soreness, nothing seems too badly bruised, and nothing feels broken, though it could just be the leftover adrenaline still pumping through his body. He says the proposed duo name again, getting a feel for it and what it would be like to respond as a formal duo, rather than having to wait to be paired up for everything. In the meantime, Yamashita slings one of Massu's arms around his shoulders and wraps an arm around his waist, keeping him upright, leading him to the makeshift medical area. "I like it," Massu finally replies, laying down on a row of chairs, as directed by the doctor. "I'd probably love it if it was Taka & Tomo instead, though. Just saying."

"You recover quick," Yamashita replies dryly, though he drags an unoccupied chair over and sits in it, staying by Massu's side.

"Maybe it's an undeveloped gift," Massu says, feeling sleepy and warm and relaxed, like he didn't have the fate of downtown Tokyo in his hands just half an hour ago. He winces a little when the doctor adds pressure to his knee -- he must have banged it up pretty badly somewhere out there. "Tomo & Taka it is, then. Guess I'm your faithful sidekick."

Yamashita laughs, reaching out to him with a closed fist and Massu meets it, bumping it with his own. "I'm glad you're okay."

There will be time tomorrow to worry about clean-up and rest and recovery and casualties, all of which have their own complexities and issues that will need to be addressed individually, but right now, all he wants to think about is how there _is_ a tomorrow for him after all, and to be grateful for it. Massu breathes, long and deep, finally letting his eyelids slide shut for a much needed nap, the warmth of Yamashita's hand resting against his hair lulling him to sleep. "Yeah...I am too."

 

All in all, Massu does, indeed, get his nap. He gets six days worth of naps, the extended vacation package, _and_ a promotion to Class A superhero with a hefty pay raise, as well as a permanent spot on the Dance Whisperer's squad. He accepts it all readily except declines acknowledgement of the promotion and goes against orders, showing up once the J &A Effort is reinstated for clean-up.

When the day arrives where Massu fumbles his attempt at a pick-up line and Yamashita finally _(finally)_ kisses it out of him, only for Massu to be a little disgruntled that it didn't go as smoothly as he had wanted it to, Ryo also lives out his lifelong dream of getting them a hotel room.

"Surrounded by idiots," Ryo mutters to himself after he all but tosses the two inside and locks the door, even going so far as hanging up the 'do not disturb' sign on the doorknob for them.

Truth is, he's not sure if he would have it any other way.


End file.
